My Daily Feel Good Goals Tracker with Printable

Has your habit tracking gone off track? Do your goals seem like obligations and things that make you groan? Has the fire you had when you first set up your goal tracking system become nothing more than embers and smoke? Well, do not despair! This happened to me earlier this year and by adding a little fun to my agenda, I was back on track, fires blazing! If you think a little fun and creativity is just what you need, keep reading to hear the details and to get a free printable to help you spice things up! 

I started this year with a very large list of goals. Half of these goals were just daily habits I wanted to implement, like recording my health status, writing morning pages, and drinking eight glasses of water each day. I combined goals and habits using Level 10 Life and my LifeScore assessment, created a basic habit tracker, and even a timeline to use in my planner.

In spite of my health I have managed to do well, but before you think I'm Superwoman (or still on steroids), I did come to realize pretty early on that I had to scale it way down. I have such a hard time accepting my limitations (can I get an "Amen"). As I mentioned in a previous post, I've never been a good example for time management and now - energy management. A couple of months into the year, my mentor was once again telling me, "Two things."

"A day?"

"Yes, two things a day."

I went home wondering how in the world anyone can get anything accomplished on two things a day and I started revising all my goals and daily habits. Things that started the year as daily items changed to a couple times a week and things that were weekly changed into monthly. I don't know, but I think there might be something to that, you know? Two things just came to mind:

First Thing

Instead of giving up on your goals because you are "missing the mark," you should instead look at your goals and revise them to be more accurate for your present reality. 

I think there's a difference between being lazy and being unrealistic. Who doesn't start a fresh year or a new program with gusto and tons of hope and plans that look really good on paper? Goals that make us feel good! Goals that get us excited again for our routine lives because we can see the routine ending and new things on the horizon! We don't plan to do the same things; we plan to do more! I think in our motivation and gusto, we quite possibly, just might, totally could set some unrealistic goals (I have some experience in this...).

My motto all year has been: Even if I only spend 5 minutes a day working towards my goals, that's still further along than I was.

Please feel free to adopt this motto and do what it says! It has kept me going despite this year's many setbacks.

If you set a goal to exercise more, but you struggle to find the time and energy, run up and down your stairs for five minutes. Stairs make for a serious workout. If you've set a goal to journal, but have been too busy to even think straight, write for five minutes. Or just make a bullet list of random thoughts (for five minutes, of course). And stop beating yourself up! Yes, you. Stop. You might need to add in five minutes of saying nice things about yourself ... without being sarcastic! 😀 And if you are sick, if you are tired, if you are so overwhelmed by responsibilities that you can't remember your name, work on YOU and YOUR DREAMS for 5 little minutes. It's further along than you were.

Second Thing

All work and no play makes everybody unhappy! For real.

I still don't put only two things a day in my planner. I have a master list with everything on it. I pull from that whatever needs accomplished and add them on my weekly page. From the weekly page, I pull tasks and fill up my daily pages. I do this even though I haven't had a single day yet that I got everything accomplished. I do this even though there have been quite a few days that I didn't put anything anywhere because I couldn't get out of bed and while it frustrates me, I don't take it out on myself with wicked name-calling and negative speak, capisce? The entire point is that I'm trying - to the best of my ability.

I gotta say, though, I wasn't having any fun. No feel good fuzzies and that felt wrong. So I created My Daily Goals Tracker with nothing but fun goals!

I made three sections divided by color. The first section is for my Feel Good Goals. These are the goals that feed my soul (or are just necessary, like brushing my teeth). These are the daily habits that keep me going, keep me striving, keep me from giving up. 

My Feel Good Goals

• Prayer - Of course prayer is listed and listed first. I can't survive without my Jesus. 💜

• Scripture Writing or Study - On bad brain fog days, when my cognitive abilities are compromised, I'm not able to study the Word, but I feel like I'm still fighting the fight when I write Scripture out in the pretty journal my sis gave me. 

• Brush Teeth - Okay, brushing my teeth doesn't really feed my soul, but it does make me feel good and sometimes, I just need to remind myself! 

• 5 minutes - Exercise - Exercise is such a challenge for me. These five minutes may not seem like much, but for me, it is a great accomplishment. Walking up the hill to my neighbor's house or five minutes of some PT exercises usually lands me in bed. 

• 10 Minutes - Read Books - I normally read about 45 books a year, but this year, I haven't even read ten. With everything I've had going on with health and life, this reminds me to sneak a few paragraphs in.

• Gratitude Journal - I have kept a gratitude journal on and off since reading Simple Abundance about twenty years ago. Being grateful truly is great for your soul.

• Daily Planning - With my addled brain, having a daily plan keeps me from looking at my desk with a blank stare (or keeps me from surfing the web when I shouldn't be) and it helps me to stay on track. I'm not perfect with daily planning and I'm inconsistent in that sometimes I plan my day in the morning, sometimes the night before, and sometimes not at all if fibro is wrecking havoc.

The next section is for Extra Goals. I have this filled with play therapy and organizational stuff I love to do. The extra goals are all about self-care and nurturing my creativity. And having fun, of course! If any of these get checked off, well, it's like a daily bonus!

My Extra Goals

• Prayer Writing - Similar to Scripture writing, I have a journal to write my favorite prayers in (have you noticed yet that I'm a little obsessed with journals?) and prayers I come across while reading that really move me.

• Read Favorite Blogs - There are so many wonderful blogs that I wish I could read consistently, sigh. I'm convinced Heaven will be loaded with all the books and magazines and blogs that I didn't get the chance to read while here. Don't you agree? 😉

• Zentangle - Oh, how I love this form of art therapy! Look, I can barely draw a stick figure, but you need no artistic ability because Zentangle is drawing patterns and shapes using lines, squares, dots... And the millions of patterns all come with step-by-step instruction boxes.

• Adult Coloring - Did you know coloring lowers cortisol (stress hormone) levels and relieves cancer symptoms, like pain? Mentally, physically, and emotionally, people are finding relief in their coloring books. Here's a great article here.

• Art Journaling - Much like coloring, art journaling (aka visual journaling) relieves a lot of stress, physical and mental, but art journaling does more. Because it is a form of journaling, it helps you to process traumatic experiences and recover from them. 

• Binders - I'm as bad with binders as I am with journals and I'm constantly updating and revising them. My big, big binder project right now is my prayer binder. I can't wait to finish it and blog about it. I have a binder for my house and finances, a binder for my blog, a binder for Zentangle patterns, and several more. I just really like being organized. 💜

The last section is a write-in section and I use it for client projects or anything urgent that might pop up throughout the day.

In all, I use My Daily Feel Good Goals Tracker in conjunction with my daily planning page. My daily planning page is where all those mundane and boring things (that ADD hates) are planned. You know, call the doctor, fill out the disability papers, balance your accounts. 😝

Of course, I always try to keep in mind Ecclesiastes 3:12-13:

I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime; moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor—it is the gift of God.

Creating this tracking sheet has reminded me (and allowed me) to play just a bit and to tap into my creativity. God is the most creative Being there ever was and we are created in His image. I believe we meet our Maker in a new way when we schedule time in our chaotic lives to create and explore our artistic side.

As a side note: Being creative doesn't necessarily mean being artistic. Perhaps cooking for your family and friends is where your imagination takes off. Using God-given and colorful fruits and vegetables combined with just the right herbs and spices for the perfect flavor combination... I just made myself hungry! For another, keeping the home clean and organized may be creative. Creating new systems at home or at work, or writing, dancing, finding a new way to teach an "unteachable" child and seeing his/her eyes light up with understanding for the first time.

If you think you are not creative, I think you just need to pay closer attention to the things you do. You will find your creativity. The key, however, is to do. That's where the fun comes in!

Whether you know your creative or not, this daily goals tracker can help you have a little more fun. It's good for your health so just click the links below for your free printable(s)! I have three PDF options for you to download:

My Daily Feel Good Goals Tracker - with color and headings

My Daily Feel Good Goals Tracker - with color and no headings

My Daily Feel Good Goals Tracker - no color and no headings - you can use this for many things!

Other posts you may like:

Getting Organized: Bullet Journaling

Free Online Health Summits: Empowering You to Take Control of Your Health

Do Not Be Afraid: Free Printable Art

5 Reasons Why I'm Not Blogging

free stock image from Haute Chocolate

I would like to believe that it hasn’t been two months since my last post, but alas, it has been. Is it just me or does time fly by much faster than it used to?  It’s Tuesday, I blink, and now it’s Monday of the following week.

I have not forgotten you, dear one. In fact, if you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you most likely notice that it looks different. And just to break it down, there’s a list of reasons why I haven’t blogged and I hope some of those reasons make you happy! They are as follows:

Reason Why I’m Not Blogging #1: My Health

One of the most maddening, frustrating, and downright disappointing realities of living with chronic illness is not being able to do all the things I want to do, or even half of them for that matter. I have been home-bound more this year than I have since I first went on medical leave (and many days I am bed-bound). I’ve had to monitor my spoons very carefully, but frankly, I suck at it. Truly. Time management was never one of my strengths and energy management is, apparently, not a strength of mine, either. 

I’ve also been dealing with some personal things, emotional things, and I'm a little overwhelmed. I’ve had a lot on my plate and there are many days I barely get through. Without the Lord and my faith… oh my! I could not get through without Him. He is faithful (even when I'm not!) and He is good to me. He helps me keep my head up when I'm tired of hurting and tired of being behind and when overwhelm threatens my sanity. He helps me stay focused on this blog, poor health and all, and for that I'm grateful.

Reason Why I’m Not Blogging #2: My Blog Design

I started this blog in 2011 as a hobby. I wanted fun and colors and pretty, which is fine, but I’ve not been connecting and relating to my blog at all. It hasn’t been something I’ve been excited to share with people. I haven’t felt that my blog represented me well or the content I wish to share. And I will admit to being a bit embarrassed by it. There, I said it! And while I have plans for a new website with fancy buttons and features, it’s currently not in my budget so I’m behind the scenes (still) learning how much I can do with what I got. The best part: You’ll be able to navigate through different pages to find the content that interests you!

And that takes me to the next reason I’m not blogging:

Reason Why I’m Not Blogging #3: My Blog Content

My last post on giving up soda received more than double the views than any of my previous posts in six years. The information was important to you. It had value and I don’t want to waste your time (or my own) blogging random blather. As I empower myself to live fully in spite of fibromyalgia, by learning about natural living and natural medicine, I want to share what I’m learning with you so that you can also be empowered to make your own decisions about your health and the health of your family.

If you’re going to spend your precious time reading the content on my blog then I want to give you something valuable and helpful in your life with that content. And I have lots of printables planned and can’t wait to give them to you, as well!

Reason I’m Not Blogging #4: My Faith & Being Authentic

I’ve been reading some wonderful blogs written by faithful women of God and I’m so grateful to have found them (thank you, Pinterest!). These women encourage me in my struggles and they inspire me in my walk with the Lord. They keep me in His Word and they help me put one foot in front of the other.

free stock image from Haute Chocolate

I was once asked by a professor who was supposed to be recruiting me for a Masters of Higher Education program if I had ever thought about seminary. He said that I had such a passion for the Word of God that I really should consider it. This professor who knew me for 15 minutes understood me and my faith better than people that have known me forever. I was authentic in my conversations with him and reading the blogs of these women, it has made me see that I have not been authentic when it comes to my faith. I have not been authentic in a lot of ways and I believe it’s because I have been caught between two worlds and I’m still trying to figure out who I am.

Prior to 2009, I was not a Christian. If I heard the name “Jesus” I would roll my eyes. I was filled with pain and sorrow for all the traumas in my life and I was so angry at God. I found a letter I began writing to Him back in the 90’s. It was tucked inside The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Writing a letter to God was one of the writing assignments she gives in the book. My letter began, “Dear God, I hate you so I must believe you exist.”

You can imagine that the life I lived then was very dark and quite the opposite of biblical standards… and then I became a Christian. Most of my family and closest friends do not share my beliefs and I often find myself reverting back to who I was before Christ when I am around them. Not intentionally, but out of habit.

For years I have been trying to figure out who I am, the pre-Christ-following Kathy or the Jesus-loving Kathy. The truth is, I’m both of them and I always will be, but I’m learning to live a life where the two mesh and I am real. I know living with a chronic health condition these last six years adds to my confusion, but I imagine when I get there, I’ll be much more confident than I am today for I will know without a doubt who God created me to be. Until that time, I’m learning to live authentically in my skin and these wonderful Christian bloggers - they are my teachers.

And the Last Reason I’m Not Blogging (#5): My Fried Brain

I was an honor student in college. I graduated with a 3.85 GPA because I turned two papers in late. The reason I turned them in late was because I had already started struggling with fibromyalgia only I didn’t know it because it took ten months to figure it out. Ten months of seeing every specialist on the planet, having every poke-me-prod-me tests that the insurance would actually cover, working a stressful full-time job, working a part-time job, volunteering with high-risk youth, and taking classes.

Whew! How did I ever do all that? I’m exhausted just typing it! “There but for the grace of God go I…”

I have an IQ in the 130’s (have? had… before fibro?). I don’t say that to brag, but to point out that college was easy for me. I love school. I love learning. I love planting my nose in a book and seeing the world. I love the exactitude of math and the words of … well, everything and every subject. I’m as bad in an office supply store as I am in a bookstore. Yes, I am a geek, but I’m a happy geek!

The only time school was hard for me was when I was procrastinating, but high IQ or not, throw fibromyalgia into the mix and I’m a drunk six-year old. It’s called “fibro-fog.”

Fibro-fog has ruined my life more than the pain ever could. People don’t understand this. I have been asked if I was drunk when I was totally sober. Really. People who meet me for the first time during a fog think I’m an idiot (it does wonders for my dating life). When the fibro-fog rolls in, nothing gets done. I’m distracted, forgetful, and seriously cognitively challenged. When fibro-fog rolls in, I can become disoriented and confused. I have forgotten how to use my microwave in a fog, the microwave I’ve had for ten years. When fibro-fog rolls in, I can’t carry on a conversation. This I wish people would get instead of getting upset at me because I’m hard to get on the phone or I take so long to call them back. Speaking takes at least two spoons, sometimes more. I mix people up, forget friends’ names, forget what that thing in front of me is called (it was a garbage can).

I’ll get off my soap box now. There’s a great article on The Mighty where fibromyalgia sufferers explain what fibro-fog feels like. I highly recommend it if you would like to understand this better.

So all this being said, in between bouts of weakness, pain, fatigue, and cognitive shut-downs, I’m trying to research technical things. Technical things.

Side note: I repel technology. Every gadget I’ve ever owned malfunctions. Laptops, cell phones, tablets… If you don’t believe me, you can ask my friend Deb. I was at her house last week and we were going to watch a movie. Now this girl’s got ALL the gadgets. Her TV is the size of my car and she’s got some fancy Amazon contraption that allows her to watch movies that are currently playing in the theaters from the comfort of her couch.

I’m telling you, that fancy thing wouldn’t work with me in the house. It froze up. The little thinking circle just kept spinning and spinning. She tried rebooting it. Still didn’t work. She said it’s never done that before, she’s never seen it do that and I might need to go home so she can watch a movie. (Ah, she was teasing!) I was happy I finally had confirmation of what I’ve already been suspicioned of (yes, I made that word up). I repel technology and technology doesn’t like me.

I repel technology and all these gadgets and gizmos are like little aliens invading my planet. I still have cassette tapes and a stereo to play them in. I still have VHS tapes and a player for them, as well. I miss my flip-top phone and as for blogging – Ha! It is taking me some time to learn this stuff. Fibro-fog, technology repellanter (another made up word – fogs rollin’ in), these make for some mentally strenuous days (aka: using a lot of spoons).

I hope some of these reasons why I haven't been blogging make you excited by what's to come! As I work behind the scenes to create a blog that helps us both live healthier and more authentic lives, please be patient with me and know I’m thinking about you and praying you are well.

My Confession and Apology

I have recently been so upset over all the vicious things people spew on social media, more upset than usual. Whether I read a book review on Goodreads that curses out the Bible (and Christians) or whether I read an article posted on Facebook bashing the gay community (often by professed Christians), it just breaks my heart and I know it breaks the heart of Jesus. Today, I was reading the Bible and just wanted to share a verse, but the following is what came out:

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Regardless of race, gender, age, sexuality, socioeconomic status, religion....... you get the idea. It is only through love, not hatred, that people can see Jesus. Hatred in the name of Jesus defiles his love and isn't FOR his name at all, but is AGAINST his name.

And like my brave and loving friend, Erika Chambers, I am filled with a desire to confess and apologize to any that do not believe in Jesus (and to any that do).

I confess and apologize for being judgmental to you instead of being supportive. I apologize for not listening when you needed me to. I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable or unworthy because I recognize that I have done so. I apologize for doubting you, for acting superior to you, for not loving you as Jesus loves you. And he does love you, just as he loved me - even when I was cursing his name and the name of his father. And I did. Too much trauma I have been through all the way back to my birth and after I lost my great aunt and uncle - my surrogate parents - I hated God. I hated him and cursed him and threw all my religious artifacts (many from my beloved great aunt) in a box I shoved in a closet. I kept them because of her, not for any God-is-real reason.

I know many of my long-time friends are unaware that their "always has been spiritual" friend (me) had done such a thing, but that is because I was trying Buddhism and Wicca and other things out so I guess I still seemed spiritual. But I cursed God and told him to leave me the %$#@ alone, get the $%&@ out of my life because he was nothing to me and I lived many years hating all things religious.

But God loved me still. He loved me still and he wants me to love others as he has loved me.
I am not perfect and I am better than no one. I am deeply flawed, but because of Jesus, I am better than I used to be. A massive work in progress, I am vowing to love you more and I wholeheartedly apologize for all the times I haven't.

One thing specifically I feel I must confess is my absolute anger at parents of obese children. I have made hurtful comments and posted articles not in a helpful and loving manner, but in an angry and derogatory way that does nothing but cause pain. I have not loved like Jesus. Meanwhile, I lie in bed sipping my Java Monster or sit with Netflix while binging on alcohol (which, thankfully, I have recently given up) or ice-cream. I confess to being a health hypocrite and apologize to those parents, Christian or not, that I have hurt and scorned, again from my judgmental and superior disdain.

I am posting this with nothing but a desire to love you more and if these words are somehow offensive to you, I ask that you please refrain from mean and nasty remarks, but as I am trying to be better, to love better, explaining to me in a helpful way would be welcome. I will have to delete any hateful-type of comments that may be posted because nowadays, you never know what words may be triggers and again, that is not my intention.

What to Write When Your Brain Is Highjacked?

NOTE (written after I posted the below verbiage): Being technologically challenged, I can't figure out why this blog, when posted, has 2-3 spaces between each paragraph when my editing page has no paragraph spacing and is spaced just as the previous post was spaced. I have OCD and this is driving me nuts!


I realized today that the reason I don't blog is because of my health situation. I'm not choosing not to blog because of it. Rather, certain health conditions frequently highjack my brain and writing something that might actually mean something to someone else just hasn't been possible (there are days I'm lucky I remember my name). However, I really want to make a habit of blogging, kind of like the bible study my church is doing, 91 Weeks with Jesus (a.k.a. Know the Word). For approximately twenty minutes a day, five days a week, you read portions of the Bible and listen to audio commentary on it. About 1,000 people at my church are doing the study together and there has been something really powerful about it. For most of the 19 weeks that we've been doing the study, I have kept up. It's the only routine in my life that I've been able to maintain week after week. Okay, 91 Weeks and morning coffee.


So what can I handle as far as blogging is concerned? I haven't been able to blog about health and nutrition because the research requires too much ... well, thinking. I haven't been able to interview people and write about it for the senior newsletter I report for because again, that requires a creativity and intellect that slips in and out whenever if feels instead of whenever I would like it to. I haven't been able to blog any book reviews because I've struggled for almost a year now with getting my beloved books even read. So sad.


Random thoughts. Random thoughts are about all I can handle right now. Random thoughts float around my head like garbage floats around on the waves of the beaches of Virginia. Non-stop floating. Day and night the disorganized thoughts in my head tease me as they come and go and meander in and out of my head. "Look at me," they shout before disappearing behind the murky clouds that fill the Pittsburgh skies day after day after day.


But writing is the thing I enjoy the most next to studying the cultural history and Christian theology found in the Holy Bible. My idea is to blog random thoughts when I have them and if, by chance, I wrest control of my brain out of the hands of chronic illness, then I will blog something intellectual.


Stay tuned!

A New Day and the Sun is Shining

Since my last post, things have changed quite rapidly in my health. I believe that because I finally faced my fears and shared transparently in this blog, many have been praying for me. For those of you faithful friends, I thank you more than I can say. I had a reassessment of my muscle strength last week and I have improved at 23%. Let me add that when I first began seeing this doctor, some of my muscles were only working at 16-25%. My doctor said that at first assessment, he wants 25-35% improvement, but for the condition that I was in, 23% is really good.

In addition to this, my lower back pain has subsided enough that I am being weaned off the back brace. As I type this now, I am free of it and I credit your prayers for this. I still wear it a little each day, but I am amazed that I can drive and sit without it and without the excruciating pain of doing so.

Side note: A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia. To make matters worse, she overheard her boss say that fibromyalgia is not a real condition, but is in the head. I want to smack people who say this, especially since the ones who say this are typically the ones with no medical education. My new doctor, the one who has helped me so much, did his dissertation on fibromyalgia. I'd like these ignorant people to tell him it isn't a real condition. I'd like these people to feel my physical pain and to live with the impossible, debilitating fatigue that has plagued me these last years for just one day. One day and they would change their tunes.

While there is no way to "test for" fibromyalgia, it is assumed that the physical injury I sustained in my lower back is what produced this enigmatic condition in me - and people, it is NOT in my head! Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to be idle. I was a very active woman, one who has worked one or two jobs while attending college and getting A's and volunteering and having an active social life. I danced, I ran, I worked out. Being laid up in bed is not my idea of a good time, especially when the fatigue has even kept me from reading my beloved books. Again, anyone who knows me knows if I'm not out and about, my nose is in a book, but sometimes, even books are kept from me because the fibro-fog makes it impossible to focus.

Anyway, back to the good news...

So then I had a follow-up with my PCP. He is overseeing the medical leave and has been my doctor since before the back injury. He said, "In three years, this is the most positive appointment we've had." I realized then that he has never seen me in any other mood than miserable in three years. Sad, miserable, crying - this is all he has known of me. So many tests and exams and drugs and doctor referrals... But on Tuesday, he was smiling, I was smiling... 

AND he is allowing me to go back to work part-time, two four-hour shifts a week! I went straight to work and let my boss know. There really isn't anything he could do, however, since my position has been filled, but he sent me to his boss and that was encouraging because his boss is the pastor who has walked with me through this whole ordeal. He has helped me in so many ways over the months and he told me, "You have made my day." He was smiling, I was smiling...

He said he will check with our department heads to see if there are any gaps I can fill for eight hours a week. All empty positions were eliminated due to budget cuts, but no matter what the outcome, I am trusting God. I haven't been paid in over three months because one UPMC office has held up my disability claim. I won't get into the ridiculousness of it all because my feelings about the incompetence of UPMC will have me flying through the roof, so let me just share that I have instead learned to lean on God and trust in Him and His provision. Until this month, all my bills have been paid, but trusting in Him also includes whether or not a position is found for me at my current/previous job or whether God has something else for me. I have only been praying about being obedient to Him and doing His Will, not Kathy's will. I still think He has some stuff for me to learn about taking it easy because I was doing so much on Tuesday and Wednesday that I couldn't get out of bed on Thursday and most of Friday. The hurricane weather those two days didn't help, I'm sure, but I know I still have a tendency to overdue it, especially on the days I feel good and hopeful. Yesterday, I was depressed about it, about the debilitating fatigue hitting me again. But today, today is a new day, and the sun is shining.

I've Discovered My Platform

I'm reading Your Are A Writer (So Start Acting Like One) by Jeff Goins.  I've follow his writing blog for a little while now and LOVE it!  He's so simply - to the point.  Anyway, as a creative person, I love too many things and haven't been able to figure out my platform, my product. 

I love books, love reading and tried the book review blogging, but find that that just isn't my thing.  I discovered that after graduation when I noticed a pile of read books waiting to be written about.  The pleasure of finishing a good book was diminished as that pile waiting to be written about seemed too much like homework.  So no, not my thing.

Then there's this blog, my personal blog.  It, too, isn't my thing.  Some thoughts just aren't meant to be shared and I'm replacing this blog with Penzu.  I'm not cancelling this blog because I do want to focus on my writing and editing services, but there won't be much activity on here, at least not for awhile.  I'm trying to find a good domain name to begin offering my writing and editing services, but my name is taken so it's been a challenge.  I trust that it'll come to me, though, because I believe God gave me this gift and that He's got plans for me to use it.

The most prevalent of interests has been health and nutrition and how the Bible is filled with Scriptures about God's desire for us to be healthy.  The more I read and study, the more convinced I am that it is no consequence that I was asked to take over the health and nutrition blog writing for my church.  The more I read and study, the more convicted I am that Christians (myself included) need help to live healthier lives. 

Just for the heck of it, I searched the domain name healthyforchrist.com and discovered it was still available!  Say what?!  I really couldn't believe it was still available and only paused for about two seconds before I purchased it.  Several years ago, I had an idea for a health and nutrition website, but with school, I ended up letting it go.  I haven't kept my nutrition certification up to date and haven't maintained a healthy lifestyle myself, so that website idea was forgotten about... until recently.  Now, as the proud owner of http://www.healthyforchrist.com/, I have found my platform.  I hope to create a website that will help people to live healthy lives for Christ.  This will include mind, body, and spirit as 1 Thessalonians 5:23 reads.  For now, it's just a web page with links to my health and nutrition blogs, but keep checking back, and please follow along so that you, too, can be Healthy for Christ.

My Hiatus from Thinking

It's been forever since I've posted.  My book review blog Beloved Books isn't any more active.  As much as I think about blogging and writing, I've been on hiatus from anything requiring me to actually use my brain.  I graduated on May 5th with a 3.87 GPA from Geneva College with a BS in Community Ministry.  For those of you non-Christians, it's kind of like Social Work for Christians.  :0)

Anyway, working full-time and taking classes part-time for the last 5 years took its toll on me and I have done a whole lot of nothing since graduation.  I've watched a ton of Netflix on my new Nook tablet, played tons of video games on my Android, and have managed to finish reading a couple of books (that I haven't blogged about because that requires thinking...).  Zeus is happy mom is home so much, although he has been caught giving the evil eye to my electronic devices.  When he isn't glaring at them, he's trying to lay on them or knock them out of my hand with his nose. 

It has all been perfect timing, however, because I've been up to my ears in summer staff hiring paperwork.  I think we've had about 50 new hires come on in the last month.  My title at work finally got changed from "Support Coordinator" which only managed to confuse people to "Human Resource Generalist."  I had to find a title that would include the many other projects passed on to me because HR is only a piece of my job (although a very large piece!).  So I have had to think since graduation, but anyone who works with me can probably tell I'm on this brain/thinking hiatus.  Normally the one who knows everything, follows up with everyone, and gets back to people right away, I am living in a fog.  People are actually having to follow up with me, which of course makes me feel like a big slacker.

I have kept up with my Healthy for Christ blog.  That also requires me to think because I'm usually researching whatever I write about for the week. 

Speaking of writing, I started attending a writing group that I'm SOOO excited about!  These people are
A.) Writers!  and
B.) Working writers! 
People that are actually published and continually working on getting published.  Like, some of them have even gotten paid and stuff (no joke)!  In Virginia, I wrote almost daily and hung out with writers, active writers, and it was really good for my flow, you know?  With school over, I needed something like that here.  I was apprehensive to find a writing group because let's face it: there are A LOT of weirdos out there that call themselves writers, but I am happy to say I love this group.  Making writing part of my daily life again is one of my goals for this summer. 

My other goal is to just focus on getting healthy again.  I really need to eat better and take better care of my body.  I am being treated for rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia, but I claim neither of these diseases.  I'm in week two of a class called "Treasures of Healthy Living" and I couldn't be more excited about it.  This class is taking us through Scripture to show you how God wants us to be healthy.  He designed us to be healthy, He calls us to be healthy, and He has given us all the tools we need on this earth to be healthy.  The Bible is our instruction manual for being healthy, but as Christians, we never look at it that way.  So, I know I will learn a lot through this course and think I want to teach it next semester.  We'll see how it goes.  By Labor Day, I want to be off of at least 4 of the 7 prescriptions I take on a daily basis.  I want to get healthy again, and as I slowly come out of my brain/thinking hiatus, I hope to be writing about my health in the months to come.  :0)

Wait for His Signal

I have been up since shortly after 3am, both yesterday and today.  My doctor tells me it is the inflammation and this week, I believe it.  My hands hurt worse this week than they ever have.  They hurt and the discomfort has spread to my arms, and I know the reason my sleeping pills aren't working this week is because I am having a "flare-up."  My house has many, many stairs (NOTE TO SELF: next time, buy a ranch), and my body, legs especially, hurts each time I have to go up and down.

I have to have more blood work, this time to check my muscles.  I should have had it done after my appointment on Monday, but had left my wallet on my kitchen counter and didn't have my ID with me.  I haven't been racing to get round 5 or 6 (I've lost count) of the blood work done.  It'll just be more time away from work and I've already gone through half my personal and vacation days just for doctor appointments and days when all I could do was sleep.

All I want to think about is finishing tonight, my last day of undergrad, but really I'm thinking, "How will I write that essay question?"  My hands hurt, but typing isn't as painful as writing.  Typing I can do with three fingers (tap, tap), but writing will require me to hold a pencil and write an essay question or two as that is how our chemistry exams always end.  But I know I will get through it, pain and all, no matter how long it takes me to write that essay.  I know I will get through it because God has gotten me through the last five years.  What is one more day to Him?

As I ponder my future on this last day of undergrad, my devotion today was about following God's schedule.  I love how perfectly He does that through my devotions.  I've been asking Him about my future, my desire to continue and get a Masters, my desire to rest, my lack of desire in paying the massive student loan debt in 6 months time (debt that I cannot afford on my current salary).  Do I get a roommate I don't really want, a part-time job I don't think I can physically handle, a new full-time job when I'm quite happy where I'm at, defer it some more by adding more debt through a Masters program?  My In Touch devotion today is actually yesterday's devotion, but I didn't read it yesterday.  I read it today and it is fitting: "Submitting to God's timetable requires faith and courage.  Believe in the goodness of His heart and His plans - and determine to wait until He gives the signal to move forward."  And as I type this today, tap tap with pain in my hands, I am submitting to do just that.  To rest and unwind, and wait for His signal.

As Christians, we feel we must go, go, go in a constant flurry of ministry work.  Families, jobs, church, and who knows what, there comes a time that we need to cease "being fruitful" and rest in Him.  There comes a time that our fruit may look delicious on the outside, but is a little rotten and bug-infested on the inside.  Then we wonder why we can't hear God.  Where is God?  I have worked so hard growing this fruit for Him, why is He letting it rot?

Dear Readers, as I get through my last day of school, I begin tomorrow to rest in Him.  God has been pointing to this (like, with neon lights right in front of my face) all week.  Maybe even longer, but He knows it takes a bit of time for me to actually listen to Him (stubborn Sicilian).  Anyway, as I committ to taking a break from obligations this summer, I gladly look forward to spending time in the sun seeking Him and I pray that you will also know when He is telling you to rest and unwind, and wait for His signal.

In My Weakness...

I have been so drained these last couple of weeks.  Even taking a few days off from work did not refresh me as I worked hard to catch up on my life (taxes, laundry, vacuuming, homework).  I assume I had a "flare up" of this autoimmune disease and ended up taking work off on Tuesday.  My body just felt so weak that even holding a book was tiresome.  It is so frustrating to me, I can't tell you.  I dread getting in the shower because it literally exhausts me.  When I get out, my heart is beating like I ran a race and my breathing is labored. 

When I first got this diagnosis, I was so angry.  Actually, I was a lot of emotions and kept looking back over the past few years and feeling like it was so unfair.  All the doctor visits and tests and surgeries and medications... for approximately five years, I worked full-time, sometimes part-time, as well, and attended college.  At the community college, I was VP of Service for Phi Theta Kappa International Honors Society and also a college ambassador.  I had times that I would get so wiped out I would spend my days off sleeping, but who wouldn't with that crazy load?! 

As time went on and I transferred to Geneva, I found myself doing less and less, only I didn't know why.  Why couldn't I do all the things I used to?  Why am I so worn out?  Why do I always feel like crap?  All I knew was that life became a struggle.

Then finally, a diagnosis, and while there was relief to finally know why I have struggled so much, I was angry at all I've been through.  How ironic, I thought, that the medicine won't start working until I graduate.  I was angry that I have pushed myself so hard over the years, struggling and struggling to maintain the pace I once did and having no one to help me.  I was angry at the stupid doctors that sent me for test after test after test with no relief.  I felt like they weren't listening to me.  I felt like they didn't believe me.  I constantly worried over work, missing it or not performing well.  Why did I have to go through all of this?  How many days have I laid in bed crying because I was exhausted and overwhelmed, not knowing I was sick.  I felt as though something inside me died only I didn't know what died or why it died.

This morning, I was praying, not about this, but thanking God for helping me write a paper this morning, one I didn't think I would get done.  He woke me up at 4:30am and I stayed up and wrote this paper when I had no intention to.  I had made my pot of African tea and sat down to read Scripture but this paper came to my head and I wrote it.  So I was thanking Him because I know it was God helping me and then it occurred to me:  He has always been helping me.  Through the agony of the last few years, I thought I was alone, but I wasn't.  God was with me, sustaining me.  I graduate in 16 days and 8 hours and 52 minutes (but who's counting?!) and it is because of HIM.  I will be graduating with somewhere around a 3.8 GPA and it is all because of HIM.  God got me through.  On days I couldn't do anymore, He gave me what I needed to accomplish what I needed to.  God in His unfailing love and grace sustained me.  In my weakness, I was strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I just really wanted to share that with you today and hope it encourages you.  God is with you always, dear friend, and He will sustain you always, even when you don't realize it.  Thank You, Jesus!

Remembrance:Remembering 9/11 and Those Still Mourning

Ten years ago today, I was awakened by my father calling. That was before auto voicemail was the norm and I could hear his panicked voice from the living room. I got up to listen again to his crazy message, so confused. What is he talking about? I turned on the TV and that's when I saw the same tragedy the rest of the world was seeing. It only took a minute for the shock to be replaced by fear. My best friend lived in New York City and I couldn't get through. Phone lines were a disaster and all I knew about her job was that she was working near the towers.  I was panicked over her safety. Where was my sister?

Praise God when her sister called me to say she was okay. They were able to get through to one another before the phone lines went crazy.

Such panic the world was in and I remember my sister calling me from work because of the plane that crashed near Pittsburgh. Could I get hold of Aunt Rosie to make sure she and the family were okay? No one felt safe and I was sick to my stomach watching the TV but could not drag myself away.

I worked at a restaurant and the owner wouldn't close so I had to go in. I was so angry, as were the other employees, because he only wanted us there so he wouldn't have to cancel his monthly wine luncheon. I remember the one table we had in two hours: a woman upset that her flight was cancelled because she had planned on vacationing somewhere in Europe. I couldn't believe it. Such entitlement when America had just been attacked by terrorists. I don't remember what I or the rest of the staff said to our boss, but he finally relented to letting us leave once his wine luncheon party was served their first course. I remember my disgust at hearing the laughter coming from the party as we left the restaurant. How could anyone laugh when our country had been attacked a few short hours ago? When thousands were dead? When the image of people jumping out of windows was so vivid in my mind?

For the days and weeks following, I couldn't tear my eyes from the TV. My obsession for ESPN was replaced by this tragedy and as I think back to that day, I want to call my dad and tell him I've forgiven him.

It can't be easy for those personally affected by 9/11 to find forgiveness in their hearts. It's taken me two decades to forgive my father. 

However, my prayers today are for those of you still mourning your losses from 9/11, for those of you still anxious from the terror experienced.  I pray not only for the victims but for the rescue workers and others involved. May the Lord bless and comfort you all.

I end with lines from one of my favorite Scriptures:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on us, because Jesus Christ has been sent to preach good news to the poor, to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom from the captives, and to comfort all who mourn. He will provide for those who grieve, bestowing on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. 

(Found in Isaiah 61)

God Bless America

March 2010

I'm behind in posting so here is a poem I wrote on March 5th as a new Christian:

            Untitled

   The sun on my face
a warm breeze caressing me
   the rainbow on my drive
that set my teardrops free
   for I knew you were there
loving and romancing me
   but it has been years
since I've opened my heart to anything
   Oh Jesus, my God,
you've not given up on me
   I can still feel your kisses
softly whispering to me.
   You are opening up my heart
for all that I can be
   and I know that I am loved
for your Son, Christ, died for me.

A Poem: A Teardrop Fell

I wrote this around my first anniversary as a daughter of Christ. I was sitting in church next to my dear, inspiring sister in Christ, Sheran, when this happened and I went home and wrote this:


A TEARDROP FELL

In broad daylight
a teardrop fell.

I don't know why,
but then I do.
There is so much feeling, Lord,
it overwhelms me.
You overwhelm me.

I wonder how I can
even exist with this love
so strong it only grows
and I feel as though my
fragile and damaged heart
will explode.

I could lay on the floor
face down, arms spread,
and wail with something
uncontrollable in me,
new to me,
but Sheran pats my arm
and assures me that
I am not alone, that
I'm not crazy and she tells me
this overpowering love,
Your love,
I don't need to fear,
I don't need to run from.
This love cannot hurt me.

In broad daylight
a teardrop fell.


Poem revised on April 23, 2015

Early Mornings with Jesus

There is nothing I love more than my early mornings spent reading Scripture and being with God.  I make my coffee, grab my journal and bible, and sit on my kitchen floor to read, write, pray, and hear from the One who loves me more than I could ever even imagine.  With Him, I can lay down all my troubles, all my joys, and all my flaws.  With Him, I can be me.  No mask, no trying to think before I speak, no trying to sound wiser or smarter or more righteous.  No hiding for He knows me more than I know myself.  For someone who is labeled "control-freak" by siblings (and ex- roommates), how energizing and refreshing it is to let go and just BE.

When I fail to arise early enough to do so, it's as though something is lacking in my life the entire day.  I miss God all day long, and if I allow myself to fall out of a pattern of these early mornings, it isn't long before I start crumbling.  When my soul becomes so weary that I find no joy in things I once did; when I'm in a crowded room full of friends and feel utterly alone, I can connect this disconnect to a break in my early morning moments with God.  He is my strength.  He is my Protector.  Without Him, I cannot live.  More importantly, Jesus gave His life for me.  His LIFE!   The least I can do is spend time with Him each day (doing something that makes me feel so good anyway!!).

I wonder, how much time do you spend each day just letting go and being with God?  How well do you know Him who knows you so well?  Are you always tired, cranky with friends and co-workers, or just plain weary from life?  Then friend, I recommend an Energy that will never fade: Our Sustaining, Loving Jesus!

"To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:29