A New Day and the Sun is Shining

Since my last post, things have changed quite rapidly in my health. I believe that because I finally faced my fears and shared transparently in this blog, many have been praying for me. For those of you faithful friends, I thank you more than I can say. I had a reassessment of my muscle strength last week and I have improved at 23%. Let me add that when I first began seeing this doctor, some of my muscles were only working at 16-25%. My doctor said that at first assessment, he wants 25-35% improvement, but for the condition that I was in, 23% is really good.

In addition to this, my lower back pain has subsided enough that I am being weaned off the back brace. As I type this now, I am free of it and I credit your prayers for this. I still wear it a little each day, but I am amazed that I can drive and sit without it and without the excruciating pain of doing so.

Side note: A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia. To make matters worse, she overheard her boss say that fibromyalgia is not a real condition, but is in the head. I want to smack people who say this, especially since the ones who say this are typically the ones with no medical education. My new doctor, the one who has helped me so much, did his dissertation on fibromyalgia. I'd like these ignorant people to tell him it isn't a real condition. I'd like these people to feel my physical pain and to live with the impossible, debilitating fatigue that has plagued me these last years for just one day. One day and they would change their tunes.

While there is no way to "test for" fibromyalgia, it is assumed that the physical injury I sustained in my lower back is what produced this enigmatic condition in me - and people, it is NOT in my head! Anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to be idle. I was a very active woman, one who has worked one or two jobs while attending college and getting A's and volunteering and having an active social life. I danced, I ran, I worked out. Being laid up in bed is not my idea of a good time, especially when the fatigue has even kept me from reading my beloved books. Again, anyone who knows me knows if I'm not out and about, my nose is in a book, but sometimes, even books are kept from me because the fibro-fog makes it impossible to focus.

Anyway, back to the good news...

So then I had a follow-up with my PCP. He is overseeing the medical leave and has been my doctor since before the back injury. He said, "In three years, this is the most positive appointment we've had." I realized then that he has never seen me in any other mood than miserable in three years. Sad, miserable, crying - this is all he has known of me. So many tests and exams and drugs and doctor referrals... But on Tuesday, he was smiling, I was smiling... 

AND he is allowing me to go back to work part-time, two four-hour shifts a week! I went straight to work and let my boss know. There really isn't anything he could do, however, since my position has been filled, but he sent me to his boss and that was encouraging because his boss is the pastor who has walked with me through this whole ordeal. He has helped me in so many ways over the months and he told me, "You have made my day." He was smiling, I was smiling...

He said he will check with our department heads to see if there are any gaps I can fill for eight hours a week. All empty positions were eliminated due to budget cuts, but no matter what the outcome, I am trusting God. I haven't been paid in over three months because one UPMC office has held up my disability claim. I won't get into the ridiculousness of it all because my feelings about the incompetence of UPMC will have me flying through the roof, so let me just share that I have instead learned to lean on God and trust in Him and His provision. Until this month, all my bills have been paid, but trusting in Him also includes whether or not a position is found for me at my current/previous job or whether God has something else for me. I have only been praying about being obedient to Him and doing His Will, not Kathy's will. I still think He has some stuff for me to learn about taking it easy because I was doing so much on Tuesday and Wednesday that I couldn't get out of bed on Thursday and most of Friday. The hurricane weather those two days didn't help, I'm sure, but I know I still have a tendency to overdue it, especially on the days I feel good and hopeful. Yesterday, I was depressed about it, about the debilitating fatigue hitting me again. But today, today is a new day, and the sun is shining.

Am I Back Yet?

It is the day after Labor Day and my favorite time of year.  Like the leaves on the trees, I feel the season changing.  A new housemate, new test results, and a new air-rave box, I feel the solitary days of laying in bed are coming to an end.

I have missed blogging.  I've missed the sharing of blogging that journal writing doesn't provide and have realized when I couldn't bring myself to cancel this blog that I need this.  With school out, I need it even more as I'm still praying to God about His next step for me.

I've spent a lot of time alone this summer, a lot of time with God as my body has gone on hiatus from the abuse I've put it through over the last couple of years.  I've spent days in bed with weakness, fatigue, and pain being my constant companions.  No amount of eating raw has helped and as always, blood work and other tests I've been sent to do have come back negative (until recently).  The rheumatologist trying to fix me with meds and more meds, I stopped seeing her and went back to my PCP and am now on almost half the meds I was on a month or two ago.  I've also reached out to others for prayer and help and spent a lot of time reading the Word of God and journaling my thoughts and prayers to Him.

Am I healed?  Not yet, but I feel more focused and less pained.  I'm still fatigued, but not as weak.  I have a new housemate.  Her rent is free so long as she does the housekeeping for me and this is an answer to many months of prayer.  She is a blessing to me and in return, I'm able to be a blessing to her.

She moved in yesterday and Zeus doesn't know what to think.  Yes, Readers (if there are any of you left after my hiatus), I know the biggest question your inquiring minds have is wondering how Zeus has been these months.  Let's face it, he's a celebrity!  :0)

With so many aunties that come to Pittsburgh to visit us, he does not know her.  He knows Auntie Pam and Auntie Deb, he knows Auntie Dijah, he knows Auntie Des who will be staying with us later this month from Seattle, and of course, Auntie Jane, Auntie Leslie, Auntie Kelly, Aunt P...  the list goes on and on, but he doesn't know her and mom didn't run around like a crackhead scrubbing the house down like normal when we have guests so he's a little confused.  Too afraid to go to sleep because he might miss something, he sat dozing by the bedroom door instead of sleeping in his basket-bed.

I'm a little confused, too, as I keep wanting to run around and clean up after everyone. That Sicilian in me that sets the alarm off in my brain, "We have a guest!"  I had to stop myself from doing dishes this morning and praise God she was leaving as I got up because I really wanted to feed her breakfast... And even though I didn't scrub the house down, I did overdo it cleaning before she arrived... and, well, cleaning most of the weekend.  I mean, I had to scrub the toilets and you would've, too.  I couldn't let her move in with them dirty.  And I had to wash towels and blankets, change the sheets in the spare room, clean out the fridge... there are just some habits that never go away.  I pulled something or activated something and my back hurt so bad yesterday I had to pop muscle relaxers and pull out the lumbar machine again.  I hope I can get through a day of work before dying of pain.  As long as I sit at my desk without moving, I think I'll be okay.

Anyway, I think I'm back blogging, at least for now.