There are many days I rarely leave my bed. In the midst of the good and the bad, it has become my place - my place of peace, my place of pity; the place I want to be most on the good days and least on the bad. I begrudge my bed when I have no choice but to be here and delight in it when I am able to choose it of my own cognition.
On days like today, it is with apathy that I am here typing. My body is as it always is, sluggish and thick, and I fantasize there is someone who will soon bring me coffee. But there is no one so I pop a couple Excedrin with the bottled water on my nightstand knowing the caffeine injection will shortly give me a gust. Then will I be able to rise from my bed and hobble my way down the stairs to the coffee pot or the Klondikes or the new scenery. What I want most is to shower, but it is too much too soon and so I sit in my stink until my body gives me the okay to exert the energy a shower requires.
For too long, I can't sit without my brace. As I tried exercising without a therapist and tried rinsing out my tub without a clue, I sat last Thursday without my brace. Feeling strong, feeling the pain scale of nine reduced to a five, I wanted to be ... me. The me I once was, active, strong, but the brace that was such a blessing and brought me such joy is now a noose around my neck; a monkey on my back, and I spent three days back up the scale at nine.
I am impatient. I want to be free of it. I want to be free of this body that is such a contradiction to my mind. I want to run and dance and walk with grace. I want to speak my mind at the time I want to speak it, to free the imprisoned words and memories held without ransom behind some invisible shroud. I want my friends to remember who I am, to remember I exist, or I want to make new ones in a world I haven't seen for awhile. I want to work and play and write and learn. I want to care about something, and I really, really want to take a shower.
Showing posts with label Coffee. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Coffee. Show all posts
The Education System, Fat-Free Creamer & Crack
I've made my first pot of coffee in a long time this morning. I'm somewhat perturbed as I sip my coffee with FAT-FREE creamer. This stuff does not taste good. It's almost as bad as buying fat-free cream cheese or fat-free salad dressing, but for the record, I made the mistake of going to Getto-Eagle here in the North Side instead of driving the hike up McKnight Road. They are either out of everything or they've stocked their shelves different this week than they did last week. I know better than to go there for anything more than bananas and as I sip this nasty coffee, I think I might remember in the future.
Up at about 4:15am, I popped some prednisone and lay in bed snuggling with the furry child until it worked it's magic (the prednisone, not the furry child). For those of you who aren't familiar with prednisone, I call it "legal crack" and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If you don't believe me, you should have seen me organizing my tupperware cabinets by 5:00am. I'm sure I don't need coffee today, but it seemed like a good thing to do while I emptied the dishwasher and reorganized the pantry. Haha, just kidding. I didn't reorganize the whole pantry. Just a couple of shelves.
So as I write this, I contemplate the Facebook thing. No one understands why I cancelled my account on there (except my crazy Aunt P), and truly, I'm not sure what I should do. Facebook under my writing pen name is no fun because I only have like, two friends on there. Haha, kidding again. I think I might be up to five or six people now...
(Sighing.) So, the few people that even give a shit have text messaged me as to why they can't find me on Facebook anymore. Then I have to explain the story (clearly, they aren't reading my blog - you know who you are). In this day and age, the idea of cancelling your social media in any capacity is like "she must be on crack!" (Hmmmm...)
I'm just still irritated about people running to my boss about stuff I post. I mean, seriously, what are we, in junior high again? I'm a thirty $#-year old woman who has a mind. A damn good one if the 3.87 GPA I just graduated with has anything to say about it. I live in the North Side, I mentor teen girls stuck in the foster care system, CLEARLY I'm going to have an opinion about the lack of life-education our children receive. My dear friend, Loleda, has started an amazing program at our church for kids around about the junior high age. These kids will receive the training and experience they need to one day go out in the real world and get a job without having to ask the HR person how to fill out the forms. THAT is my point. That is my point in posting a comment about someone asking me a stupid question. Parents really need to do more for their children today if they are ever going to succeed in the real world.
Anyway, if I choose to reactivate my Facebook account, I'll probably get in trouble again (or "talked to" again) about this blog or some post, but do I even care anymore? I believe our education system is lacking and it isn't always the teachers who should be blamed. I believe as an HR person, I'm going to see where some of these holes are and I can more passionately promote programs such as the one my dear friend has started.
And to whomever has a problem with my posts or my blogs, please delete yourself off of my friends list, especially since you lack the courage to do what Matthew 18:15 tells us to in God's Word.
Up at about 4:15am, I popped some prednisone and lay in bed snuggling with the furry child until it worked it's magic (the prednisone, not the furry child). For those of you who aren't familiar with prednisone, I call it "legal crack" and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If you don't believe me, you should have seen me organizing my tupperware cabinets by 5:00am. I'm sure I don't need coffee today, but it seemed like a good thing to do while I emptied the dishwasher and reorganized the pantry. Haha, just kidding. I didn't reorganize the whole pantry. Just a couple of shelves.
So as I write this, I contemplate the Facebook thing. No one understands why I cancelled my account on there (except my crazy Aunt P), and truly, I'm not sure what I should do. Facebook under my writing pen name is no fun because I only have like, two friends on there. Haha, kidding again. I think I might be up to five or six people now...
(Sighing.) So, the few people that even give a shit have text messaged me as to why they can't find me on Facebook anymore. Then I have to explain the story (clearly, they aren't reading my blog - you know who you are). In this day and age, the idea of cancelling your social media in any capacity is like "she must be on crack!" (Hmmmm...)
I'm just still irritated about people running to my boss about stuff I post. I mean, seriously, what are we, in junior high again? I'm a thirty $#-year old woman who has a mind. A damn good one if the 3.87 GPA I just graduated with has anything to say about it. I live in the North Side, I mentor teen girls stuck in the foster care system, CLEARLY I'm going to have an opinion about the lack of life-education our children receive. My dear friend, Loleda, has started an amazing program at our church for kids around about the junior high age. These kids will receive the training and experience they need to one day go out in the real world and get a job without having to ask the HR person how to fill out the forms. THAT is my point. That is my point in posting a comment about someone asking me a stupid question. Parents really need to do more for their children today if they are ever going to succeed in the real world.
Anyway, if I choose to reactivate my Facebook account, I'll probably get in trouble again (or "talked to" again) about this blog or some post, but do I even care anymore? I believe our education system is lacking and it isn't always the teachers who should be blamed. I believe as an HR person, I'm going to see where some of these holes are and I can more passionately promote programs such as the one my dear friend has started.
And to whomever has a problem with my posts or my blogs, please delete yourself off of my friends list, especially since you lack the courage to do what Matthew 18:15 tells us to in God's Word.
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