If I Die from Something Poisonous

I attempted yard work today. Everyone who knows me knows I don't do yard work. However, my little yard boy graduated high school so there is no one else to do it and the weeds were as tall as my neighbor's children. The weeds were lurking around my A/C unit like some of the stalker-like men I've had the misfortune of knowing.

So I attempted yard work. Got my sunny and colorful gloves out of storage. They look almost new. Got my little, red cutters (also out of storage), and outside I went to take some anger out on the vicious Audrey II-like weeds. I began hacking away when something mysterious pierced me right through my gloves. I'm sure it's nothing but a very strong thorn, but if by chance I am found dead in a few days (or weeks or months since I live alone), it should be noted that I attempted yard work today and nothing more.

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