Friday, March 23, 2012

Purposely Confused

I just got home from an adoption meeting at my church.  A bittersweet evening for me, I struggled with going yet couldn't have stayed away from it.  I don't know what God wants from me as I look at my life and the irony of it all.  I feel like the biggest hypocrite.  I write a health blog while being sick and unhealthy and I'm a twice certified foster parent who has never fostered a child.  I just don't know what He wants.  Did I not pray enough?  Did I not pray correctly?  Am I just not good enough?  I've spent two years training and reading and studying and networking and I am once again feeling so disconnected from my dream.  I look at all that God is doing in the lives of those around me and I just feel lost in the shuffle.  Once again, the paper-pushing workaholic machine with no meaning and no purpose.  The "go-to girl" with no place of her own to go to. 
I just don't know what He wants.

1 comment:

  1. My mind is blank for words. The only thoughts that come to mind are these:

    There are soldiers who have lost their legs-helping others through their trials. People with cancer giving strength to others who also suffer. They are a guiding light for people.
    Never give up on yourself for everyone has a purpose. Albeit, it is sometimes difficult to see.