I just got home from an adoption meeting at my church. A bittersweet evening for me, I struggled with going yet couldn't have stayed away from it. I don't know what God wants from me as I look at my life and the irony of it all. I feel like the biggest hypocrite. I write a health blog while being sick and unhealthy and I'm a twice certified foster parent who has never fostered a child. I just don't know what He wants. Did I not pray enough? Did I not pray correctly? Am I just not good enough? I've spent two years training and reading and studying and networking and I am once again feeling so disconnected from my dream. I look at all that God is doing in the lives of those around me and I just feel lost in the shuffle. Once again, the paper-pushing workaholic machine with no meaning and no purpose. The "go-to girl" with no place of her own to go to.
I just don't know what He wants.
I just don't know what He wants.
My mind is blank for words. The only thoughts that come to mind are these:
ReplyDeleteThere are soldiers who have lost their legs-helping others through their trials. People with cancer giving strength to others who also suffer. They are a guiding light for people.
Never give up on yourself for everyone has a purpose. Albeit, it is sometimes difficult to see.