I have been up since shortly after 3am, both yesterday and today. My doctor tells me it is the inflammation and this week, I believe it. My hands hurt worse this week than they ever have. They hurt and the discomfort has spread to my arms, and I know the reason my sleeping pills aren't working this week is because I am having a "flare-up." My house has many, many stairs (NOTE TO SELF: next time, buy a ranch), and my body, legs especially, hurts each time I have to go up and down.
I have to have more blood work, this time to check my muscles. I should have had it done after my appointment on Monday, but had left my wallet on my kitchen counter and didn't have my ID with me. I haven't been racing to get round 5 or 6 (I've lost count) of the blood work done. It'll just be more time away from work and I've already gone through half my personal and vacation days just for doctor appointments and days when all I could do was sleep.
All I want to think about is finishing tonight, my last day of undergrad, but really I'm thinking, "How will I write that essay question?" My hands hurt, but typing isn't as painful as writing. Typing I can do with three fingers (tap, tap), but writing will require me to hold a pencil and write an essay question or two as that is how our chemistry exams always end. But I know I will get through it, pain and all, no matter how long it takes me to write that essay. I know I will get through it because God has gotten me through the last five years. What is one more day to Him?
As I ponder my future on this last day of undergrad, my devotion today was about following God's schedule. I love how perfectly He does that through my devotions. I've been asking Him about my future, my desire to continue and get a Masters, my desire to rest, my lack of desire in paying the massive student loan debt in 6 months time (debt that I cannot afford on my current salary). Do I get a roommate I don't really want, a part-time job I don't think I can physically handle, a new full-time job when I'm quite happy where I'm at, defer it some more by adding more debt through a Masters program? My In Touch devotion today is actually yesterday's devotion, but I didn't read it yesterday. I read it today and it is fitting: "Submitting to God's timetable requires faith and courage. Believe in the goodness of His heart and His plans - and determine to wait until He gives the signal to move forward." And as I type this today, tap tap with pain in my hands, I am submitting to do just that. To rest and unwind, and wait for His signal.
As Christians, we feel we must go, go, go in a constant flurry of ministry work. Families, jobs, church, and who knows what, there comes a time that we need to cease "being fruitful" and rest in Him. There comes a time that our fruit may look delicious on the outside, but is a little rotten and bug-infested on the inside. Then we wonder why we can't hear God. Where is God? I have worked so hard growing this fruit for Him, why is He letting it rot?
Dear Readers, as I get through my last day of school, I begin tomorrow to rest in Him. God has been pointing to this (like, with neon lights right in front of my face) all week. Maybe even longer, but He knows it takes a bit of time for me to actually listen to Him (stubborn Sicilian). Anyway, as I committ to taking a break from obligations this summer, I gladly look forward to spending time in the sun seeking Him and I pray that you will also know when He is telling you to rest and unwind, and wait for His signal.